Filing for Divorce and Moving On with Proceedings.

Lawyer Rajan Chettiar offers advice to estranged couples filing for divorce.

When a marriage breaks down, the estranged husband and wife may find it difficult to acknowledge this fact. Questions such as Why did this happen to me? How am I going to live the rest of my life? What is going to happen to our children? Will I have enough money for the future? Often arise. An initial visit to a lawyer can leave the estranged parties undecided as to what course of action they should adopt. They are often in emotional turmoil, filled with hurt, loss, a sense of betrayal, frustration, anger and confusion.

There are numerous reasons why a marriage fails. The most common is a lack of communication. This can slowly break people apart over a period of time. “I acknowledge that this is a very sad event in my client’s life. I always tell them that life is short. You have two choices: continue being in the emotional doldrums, or move on with your life. Once a marriage becomes empty and reconciliation has failed, it is time to say goodbye,” says Rajan – also a counsellor.

Rajan suggests a client may wish to consider the following advice he also used during his own divorce proceedings:
• There is great power in receiving emotional support. Talk about what you are experiencing with your family members and close friends.
• Consult a marriage counsellor. There is no stigma in seeing a counsellor. These sessions can be the first beneficial and effective step in the journey of recovery for estranged spouses.
• Once you have exhausted the possibility of reconciliation, take proactive steps to work towards solutions to problems. Expedient resolution helps spouses pick up the pieces and move on in their lives.
• Focus out. Think about others who are affected by the break­down of the marriage – usually the children of the marriage.
• Take a break from routine. Spend time alone to acknowledge your underlying emotions. Go through the grieving process. Set yourself a timeline for this process to end.
• Once this process is over, ask yourself what you want to do next that will help you to move forward in your life.

According to Rajan, a divorce lawyer is not only someone who assists the client get a divorce and resolve their ancillary matters, but a support system to the client. They are often the one person who is with them through every step of the most crucial period in their lives. For this reason, Rajan makes himself available to his divorce clients 24 hours each day, seven days a week.
The emotional roller coaster ride of divorce can continue past the divorce proceedings – but time does heal.

Let us walk with you through your journey today. We have helped many of our clients, both Singaporeans and others, navigate through the legal proceedings/issues and to move forward positively with their lives.

Contact us today to speak to a lawyer. Call us now at 6533 6451 or email rajan@rajanchettiar.com or visit us at www.rajanchettiar.com

Moving On

Professional lawyer-mediator and collaborative lawyer RAJAN CHETTIAR talks about plucking up the courage to move forward with divorce proceedings.

There are numerous reasons why a marriage fails. The most common is a lack of communication, which over time can slowly tear people apart. When a marriage does break down, the estranged husband and wife may find it difficult to acknowledge this fact. The questions that arise seem endless and without answers: ‘Why did this happen to me?’ How am I going to live the rest of my life?’ What is going to happen to our children?’ ‘Will I have enough money for the future?’ The estranged parties are often in emotional turmoil, filled with hurt, loss, a sense of betrayal, anger and confusion, and the initial visit to a lawyer’s office can leave them undecided as to what course of action they should take.

When a client comes to me for help, I acknowledge that they are experiencing a very sad event in their life, but that life is short and they have essentially two choices: continue to suffer emotionally or move on with life. Once a marriage becomes empty, and reconciliation has failed, it is time to say goodbye.
If you are contemplating a separation or divorce, you may wish to consider the following advice, which I in fact used during my own divorce proceedings:-

– Consult a marriage counsellor. There is no stigma associated with seeing a counsellor. These sessions can be the first beneficial and effective step in the journey of recovery for estranged spouses.

– Once you have exhausted the possibility of reconciliation, take proactive steps to work towards solutions to problems. Expedient resolution will help you and your spouse pick up the pieces and move on with your lives.

– Take a break from routine. Spend time alone to acknowledge your underlying emotions. Go through the grieving process and set yourself a timeline for this process to end.

– Once this process is over, ask yourself what you want to do next that will help you move forward.
In addition, ensure you seek the services of a trusted and reputed lawyer from the start of proceedings. A divorce lawyer is not only someone who assists the client with getting a divorce and resolving ancillary matters, but is also a very important part of the client’s support system.

Let us walk with you through your journey today. We have helped many of our clients, both Singaporeans and others, navigate through the legal proceedings/issues and to move forward positively with their lives.

Contact us today to speak to a lawyer. Call us now at 6533 6451 or email rajan@rajanchettiar.com or visit us at www.rajanchettiar.com

Appropriate Dispute Resolution Methods

This is the phrase used by our Chief Justice, Sundaresh Menon.  And he is right in using this phrase.  Mediation and Collaborative Family Practice  are not alternative but appropriate  dispute resolution methods.

Mediation, Collaborative Family Practice, Child Representative, Parent Co-ordinator are many methods and schemes referred to when we talk about family disputes. A family lawyer needs to know when to advise the appropriate scheme to the client. Being aware of the timeliness and suitability of the Scheme to a client is a crucial skill of a family lawyer.

These methods are just the means to an end – which is what the client wants out of his divorce or family dispute. The family lawyer has to understand, align to the client’s needs and then suggest the appropriate method to resolve the dispute.

The family lawyer has to have a mind set to embrace and to practice these methods besides just obtaining the training in these new areas. 

The family lawyer of today is also an appropriate dispute resolution lawyer. What a client needs to know is whether his lawyer really practices negotiation, family mediation, collaborative family law or is only paying lipservice to it.

Amicable Divorce

Family law is a branch of litigation.  One has to file the divorce in the Family Justice Courts in Singapore to end the marriage.  Mediation is the first step in the Court process in the Courts.  This shows that the preferred mode of dispute resolution is mediation and not litigation.

There is no value in litigating a divorce no matter how contentious it is, especially when the future of children is involved.  I have always offerred Amicable Divorce solutions to clients in my family law practice – this is how I differ from many family lawyers.   This is the best way to help divorcing clients.

Amicable Divorce solutions encompass the use of negotiation, mediation and collaborative family practice to resolve family disputes.

Clients must be encouraged by lawyers to use these solutions and resort to litigation as a last resort.  So, it is really in the hands of lawyers whether their client engage in Amicable Divorce or litigation.

The family lawyer today is not a litigation lawyer.  He is a dispute resolution lawyer.  He wears three hats – mediator, collaborative lawyer and a litigation lawyer.  He changes hats to fit the case.

I was once told by a client that I am more of a mediator rather than a litigation lawyer.  Well, his case went on for 2 over years in litigation!

Rajan Chettiar

I am frequently asked how I manage the emotional aspects of being a family lawyer. “Being a man, how do you do it?” is the frequent question.

Emotional issue is only one aspect of the job. I do not deny that it is difficult to manage.  We get the clients in the worst times of their lives.  They are upset, angry, some want revenge and others are even depressed.  They take it out on us.  With age, maturity and experience, I learn to remind myself (and boy, do I have to do it many a time) that they are not negative towards me and that they are just venting their anger.

I will not deny as well it does not affect me many a time.  Self-care for a family lawyer is important as well. 

A friend asked me some many years ago whether I will be able to care and empathise with my clients if I am detached.  His comment struck a chord and I still think about what he said.  I do care about my clients.  As a family lawyer, I am helping them to start a new chapter in their lives.  Do I care in an emotional level? Should I care at such a level? I can but will it really help them if I do and tune in to their emotional frequency.  Is that the role of a family lawyer?

Rajan Chettiar

Being a divorce lawyer

I am starting this blog to write about my experiences as a divorce lawyer in Singapore.

I have been a lawyer for 18 years in Singapore.   After having worked in a large firm for the first 6 years as a corporate and then a general litigation lawyer, I decided to become an entrepreneur. I started my own law firm in April 2003 with the intention to practice family law in my own unique way. Family law is my favourite law subject and I love being a family
lawyer.  I have not looked back since the day I became a family lawyer.

Family law gives me a chance to help couple, children and other family members.  To me, it is a privilege to step into people’s private lives.  I am also asked how I handle the emotional parts of family law work.

It was not easy initially. But now I learn to detach and leave the work behind in the office at the end of the day.

Rajan Chettiar